LITTLE
NICKY
****DISCLAIMER****These reviews are for
entertainment purposes only. If you combine this review with any of your Mad
Magazine Fold-Ins, you'll get a picture of David Hasselhoff doing bad things to
K.I.T.T. when they were filming the TV show! Or you'll just have two pieces of
paper, depends on which Fold-In you use...
Top
Ten candies at the movie theater!
- Choco-Crunch with
butter. Yummee!
- Coconut flavored
popcorn.
- M&M&S&M.
Fun for everyone
- JewJewBees: Sponsored
by Senator Lieberman!
- MilkStuds: Milk Dud's
older sadistic brother candy.
- Hot Dog on a stick.
Sure, call it a corn dog if you want to, but how does the bun stay on
there smarty pants??
- Colon Poppers. Little
bits of coal help clear the system out!
- Chocolate Covered
Hershey Bars. A Hershey bar that's above the normal Hershey bar! This one
is covered in chocola....wait a second..I think I just got scammed…
- Super Sour Patch
Adults. These are currently replacing the Sour Patch Kids. However, these
contain so much sour taste you can only eat one every half hour or you'll
wind up in a coma.
- Super Sappy Sour
Suckers! I have no idea what these are but it was funny listening to some
kid with a lisp try to say it.
Our
'call me Big Daddy' movie this week is Little Nicky (a.k.a. Little Nicky And
His Box Of Tissues) starring the dumbest comedian in recent movie history Adam
Sandler. Sandler, as many of you know, was a SNL member before getting that
wild hair up his butt about wanting to star in his own movie. Thus Billy
Madison was born and 12 year olds everywhere thought he was a God. This of course
got to Adam's head, so he decided to make a whole string of stupid movies that
appeal to 12 year olds, the exception being Happy Gilmore which is actually
kind of funny. Does this flick have us believe Adam has 'smartened' his comedy
up? Will we, the adult majority laugh? Will we now like Adam Sandler?? Let's
turn the page and find out...
This
is the biggest piece of Hopalong Crappity I've ever seen. Sandler plays Nicky,
one of three sons of the Devil, played by Harvey Keitel who must be desperate
for work. Two of the sons close the gate to Hell preventing new souls from
entering which causes the Devil to start to disappear. The two sons (played by
'Tiny' Lister and some British Guy) go to Earth to make it their own version of
Hell. Nicky has to go to Earth, New York specifically, and stop them. There are
two things wrong with this beginning setup to the plot.
- They may have closed
the gates of Hell, but the audience is still in it for another 75 minutes.
- They leave Hell to go
to New York. Truthfully? I didn't notice any difference.
I
have no idea what is wrong with Adam Sandler. He seems to be on the brink of
making a good movie but the writing is so atrocious! The jokes are so childish
and the gross-out humor he uses is so old. Why can't this idiot come up with
anything original in his jokes? There are plenty of opportunities to have him
use some devil humor in his interaction with humans, but it's wasted on him
eating Popeye's Chicken who must have sponsored the damn thing because Adam is
eating it every 5 minutes. There are a couple of guest appearances so I'll run
those down then I'm done with this review. Why, you say? Why is George leaving
us with a short review? Because I'm tired. I'm tired of Adam making this world
a dumber place to live. That's my job. So here's the guest appearances:
Jon
Lovitz: Big
loser in a big loser movie! Whatta match!
Kevin
Nealon:
He's in the credits but I don't know what he played. And I don't care.
Quentin
Tarantino:
The two hit wonder is back! Does anyone know what movies he's made?? I
forgot...
Rodney
Dangerfield:
WHY RODNEY WHY?!? Why are you, a comic legend, in this waste of 90 minutes???
What hold does that bastard Sandler have on Hollywood??? Perhaps he is one with
the darklord......
Reese
'Stallone' Witherspoon: She plays an angel with a crooked mouth. You mean her crooked mouth
isn't a special effect???
Rosie
O' Donnell:
Plays the wife of Satan. Gets booted out when she eats the entire 4th gate of
Hell. Now living in Purgatory.
I
can only recommend this movie to people who are destined to someday end up down
below. (Sorry, my spot is already reserved next to Kathie Lee's.) Even if you
end up going to Heaven, I'm sure the plane trip up there will be showing The
Waterboy. However, if you don't believe in a Heaven or a Hell, you can just
watch Little Nicky. It'll be about as close as you can get to it without ever
leaving Earth. Reading my reviews comes in a tight second...
My
rating:
-
Full Price
-
Matinee
-
Wait For Video
--- Wait For Cable
- Wait
For Little Pricky: The Puff Daddy Playgirl Special