HOUSE OF THE DEAD
****DISCLAIMER****These reviews are for entertainment purposes only. Unfortunately,
this is not one of my regular satire reviews. But I’m sure you will have no
problem filling in your own jokes, which 99.9% of you probably do anyways.
House of the Dead is based off of the hugely popular Sega video game
franchise where players point stupid looking guns at the screen and attempt
to fire them sideways gangster style while hitting waves of zombies. Is there
a point to all this madness? No here isn’t, but that doesn’t mean that someone
isn’t going to try and exploit it by turning it into a movie.
The $12 million dollar budgeted House of the Dead takes place on
an island off of the coast of Seattle. Four teenagers arrive on the island to
attend a rave filled with alcohol, drugs, naked women, and head pounding techno
music. What they find however is everybody has been killed by zombies running
amok on the island. At least the beer is still cold when they arrive. Directed
by German born Uwe Boll whose previous American credits include films nobody
has seen, HOTD manages to play itself out as it should. A film that realizes
that the subject matter is ridiculous, the actors are horrible, the dialogue
insane, and the special effects are weak. Does that make this an unmemorable
experience? Not at all.
Do you like zombies? Well, you’re going to get zombies. Lots of zombies.
HOTD is a ninety-minute gore fest that starts off slow in the first 20 minutes,
and then kicks into overdrive without any brakes. We are visually assaulted
with explosions, bullets, blood and guts, and the hottest representation of
Americana in the form of Asian actress Kira Clavell as Liberty. We’re also
treated to cheap sex in front of corpses, dumb blondes, dumb jokes and actor
Clint Howard. A freakishly looking person that I believe required no zombie
makeup. To top it all off there’s a 20-minute graveyard battle that pits our
teenagers against hundreds of zombies. And we haven’t even gotten inside the
house yet. Not only is the action in your face, but so is the soundtrack.
You will either walk out of the theater blind, deaf or both. When I saw the
film, it initially had no distributor but has since been picked up by Artisan
for North American distribution. I can’t wait for the uncut DVD, which will
hopefully feature more gore, more nudity, and more zombies. If you’re having
a hard time believing how over the top this movie is then marvel in the performance
one of its main actors, veteran Jürgen Prochnow who plays Captain Kirk. That’s
right. Captain Kirk. Beautiful.
What is also different about this game to film translation is the director actually manages to slip in video game footage during the movie. Cheesy? You bet. But it’s a solid reminder that what we are watching is what the director intended for us to watch. An actual video game comes to life on screen. And it couldn’t be more satisfying and fun. I kept waiting for the movie to pause with the words ‘Insert Coins To Continue’ flashing on the screen. Uwe Boll’s take on The House of the Dead may breathe new life into a dying sea of game to film translations. Or it may destroy it completely. Doesn’t matter; just be sure to bring plenty of quarters.
My
Rating:
--- Full Price<<<<<<<<
- Matinee
- Wait for DVD/Cable
- Wait for House of The White Bread: A Honky’s Tale