The Bourne Supremacy
****Disclaimer**** These reviews are for entertainment purposes only. Should
you feel after reading this that you have not been properly entertained, then
you may receive a full refund consisting of middle fingers and swift kicks to
the ass.
Summer season is almost over
and most of the major blockbusters have come and gone. Since the studios mull
over which movies to release during the peak season, I was able to find out
through my extended list of
10. ‘Global Thermonuclear War’
starring The Olsen Twins
9. ‘Unheard Of Sexual
Tension’ starring Rosie O’ Donnell
8. ‘Rainbows and Fruit
Roll-Ups’ starring Orlando Bloom
7. ‘Hit Me With
Your Best Car’ starring
6. ‘Drunk With
Power. Actually, Just Drunk.’ starring Colin Ferrell
5. ‘Another Teenage Girl
Loses Her Virginity To Andy Dick’ starring Andy Dick
4. ‘Big Explosion. No Plot.
Purple Boxers.’ starring Bruce Willis
3. ‘The Fart Heard Round The World’ starring Jennifer Lopez
2. ‘Blown Out Of Proportion.
Then Blown Again.’ starring Britney Spears
1. ‘HA! HA! I’m Black! Now
You Bitches Laugh!’ starring Martin Lawrence
Our ‘Pull the pin’ movie this
week is The Bourne Supremacy starring Matt Damon returning as Jason Bourne, a
former assassin for the CIA who is on the run from CIA big wigs Brian Cox and
Joan Allen. I’m going to naturally assume that you’ve seen the Bourne Identity,
and no further setup will be needed for this character. If you have not seen it,
then continue reading since whatever I write won’t make a lick of sense anyway.
Returning with Matt is his sexy love interest Franka Potente as Marie, and
Julia Stiles as CIA operative Nicky. Franka looks stunning as always. Julia?
Looks like someone whipped her with a Cat O’ Nine Tails then pancaked her face
with an iron. Still cute though, don’t get me wrong. Ya…
The basic plot is this... A couple of years after the
first Bourne movie, Jason is still hiding out yet gets blamed for killing some
really important guy. The only problem is, he didn’t
kill him. Someone with bad stubble posing as Jason Bourne did the dirty deed.
But there’s no way the CIA is going to come up with that reasoning all by themselves! They first need to hunt Bourne down, find out
from Bourne himself that he had nothing to do with it, but still come after
Bourne anyways. Anything else and it would make the CIA look a well run
organization, which we cannot have. Re-read this paragraph 500 times and a
leprechaun will magically come out of your butt and punch you in the nose. It
would be less painful than trying to figure out what the hell it is I’m
attempting to say.
Bourne takes place in an
array of exotic locales that nobody reading this review will ever visit or even
dream about.
The film screams along at a
breakneck pace with plenty of car chases, foot chases, shoot outs, hand to hand
fights, lots and lots of frowning, Brian Cox stealing every scene he’s in and
Matt Damon showing the world why he’s got the chops to be a great action hero.
The only problem with this is, we can’t see a damn
thing that’s going on. Identity was directed by Doug Liman, someone who knows
his way around a camera and tries to get the best shot possible. Supremacy was
directed by blockbuster newcomer Paul Greengrass, who’s
technique resembles an epileptic shooting his summer vacation while standing on
the
For example, there is a major hand to hand fight scene
in Supremacy that could have rivaled the fight scene in the apartment from The
Bourne Identity. However, with the inexperience of Director Bunghole at the
helm, you can’t really tell how the fight is unfolding since the camerawork and
the editing is so poorly done. The action whizzes around the two actors at such
a fast pace that after 30 seconds I thought I was watching two black overcoats
trying to mate. Hell, even the crap flying around in the movie Twister was at
least in frame. After the hundreds and hundreds of fight scenes ever put to
film, it’s nice to know that one man can single handedly set the art of
shooting one back 35 years. I’m not even going to get into the final car chase
scene at the end of the movie. After it was over, a girl at the screening I was
attending actually threw up from motion sickness. I couldn’t blame her though.
After the movie was over, I also threw up in my car in the parking lot. Was it
my car? Oh wait, I don’t drive a convertible. Oops.
It’s a shame that this is what ultimately kills a
really good movie. The script, dialogue and acting were all top notch. I’ve
become a huge Matt Damon fan and the man seems to get more talented after every
picture. (You can insert your own Ben Affleck joke
here because I’m not going to bother with it.) Framka Potente is another great
actor and it’s a shame that she gets kil…Whoops! I almost slipped up! HAHA! You
thought I was going to put in a spoiler in my review, didn’t you? Silly
rabbits! And of course, Brian Cox and Joan Allen once again bring life to
lifeless characters and should be nominated for Oscars just for stepping on the
sidewalk. In fact, I think they should be in every movie from this point
forward. You know what? Screw Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst. I want to see
Brian Cox as Peter Parker and Joan as Mary Jane Watson. Can you imagine Brian
Cox swinging around
So it’s up to you. It is a
good movie, but if you can handle having your eyes appear to play tricks on you
as your brain attempts to catch up to the camerawork, you’ll enjoy Supremacy as
a fine continuation in the series. Personally, I think the direction and
editing is what killed this film. And I believe it will also be the reason why
Greengrass won’t be returning to direct the 3rd in the series.
That’s it, I’m going to call this so called director and ask him what the Hell
he was thinking when he shot this.
“Hello?”
“Yes Paul? Paul Greengrass?
This is George. I’d like to ask you…”
“Wait. Hold on a second. My
baby is going to be taking her first steps. I’m standing on my dryer while it’s
running, and I’m hooking up my digital video camera with 17 different lens
filters to a pendulum and swinging it across the room as I swat it every third
swing to get it to change directions. I don’t want to miss a single frame of
this important event! Now, you had a question?”
*Click*
Jackass.
My Rating:
Full Price
Matinee
Wait for DVD/Video
<<<<<<<<<<
Wait For Cable
Wait For
The Bourne Ultimatum directed by Paul Greengrass